We are back! If you read our last blog post, “How to give great Oral Sex 101” then you have probably been waiting for part 2! This blog post is all about body language, types of orgasms, positions and some extra little tips. As with Part 1, I (Marthe) worked with Karen Zibbits (Zibs) to co-author this post. You will be pleased to know that we are recording a podcast with her soon, all about sex, sex and sex! So stay tuned for that.
Let’s talk body language in relation to giving oral sex. What does it mean when someone grabs your head/ears and pulls your face in or arches up into you? These are all good signs that they want your mouth on their pussy but what else? When someone is pulling you closer, this could be an indication that they might want more pressure. Holding your face could also be to steer you in a slightly different direction.
What about someone pushing down on your head or backing up? This body language could be either a positive or negative. If your sex session has just getting started or it’s clear they are not having an orgasm, this could mean there’s too much pressure with your mouth or fingers. It could be a bad angle, you’re going too quick or your fingers are too deep. It may hurt them or they may be shy and out of their comfort zone. When this happens, it’s a good time to check in and find out. Don’t just power through.
A positive example of when someone might push your head back or start to scoot away is at the end of a clitoral orgasm due to sensitivity. Often as you hear your partner’s breath speeding up, they start gripping you or the bed and they make that amazing, “I’m about to cum sound”. Or they literally say, “I’m about to cum”. We tend to get very excited as well. We also speed up and intensify whatever we are doing. Unless they are asking you to go harder or faster, continue using the same pressure and speed. Then lighten the pressure on their clitoris during their oral orgasm to help make it last longer.
Too much pressure on the clit can actually make someone skip over their oral orgasm or shorten it. Instead, lighten the pressure towards the end, applying it near but not directly on the clit. You can often continue to finger someone with more pressure for either a continuous blended orgasm (clitoral, G-spot and vaginal wall simultaneously). Or multiple orgasms, (one after the other – can be internal, external or blended). This should also prevent the need for them to push your head away because they are just too sensitive.
Now that we are talking about the wonderful world of blended orgasms, this is a good time to talk about penetration with oral sex. As you read in my article The Vulva & Orgasms a large majority of women do not cum from penetration alone. Or at least cannot cum from penetration until they have had an external orgasm first.
The G-spot in women is located inside the vaginal wall closest to your stomach. The tricky part is that it can be 2-5 cm (1-2 inches) in or even further inside the wall closer to the cervix. It can also lay closer to the surface of the vaginal wall. For many women, it is tucked back and inside the vaginal wall until they orgasm or become very aroused. However, once aroused, it does become larger and more sensitive.
It’s believed that women with a G-spot closer to the surface of their vaginal wall, regardless of depth, are most likely to orgasm with penetration alone. Women with a G-spot that is tucked in and back, will likely also require external stimulation, but of course this can vary. What all of this tells you is that just like everything else with women, we need to learn what makes each person tick.
As with the tongue, you can tease the vaginal opening with a finger. You can first slide 1 finger in and find out if someone prefers one or more fingers or a toy. If someone’s G-spot is hard to find or less sensitive, they often respond to having fingers used in a curled up motion. Some like fingers swirled around and others might just like the ‘good ole fashion’ in and out. Try to use various speeds, depths as well as toys to find their preference. One person may want to get pounded and another may not want any penetration at all. This can also change at different times due to mood, occasion and menstrual cycle. We can’t say this enough … Communicate :-). Don’t forget with penetration to use someone’s natural lubrication or a safe water based lubricant.
Another way to reach all the good “spots” and have some fun doing it, is by changing up your positions. One simple trick that can make things more comfortable for the givers neck and more pleasurable for the receiver is putting a pillow or two under your partners butt. This is to raise their hips which changes the angle of your mouth contact and the penetration. This is also a life saver for your own neck, so you can also enjoy the ride.
You can have them get on their hands and knees or knees and elbows, (again pillows can be handy here for comfort). Giving you full access to everything from behind. This is a totally different experience as it can feel more exposing for the receiver. However, it can also be very sexy, erotic and pleasurable for both people.
Another excellent position is you lying down on your back and letting them sit on your face. This allows them to adjust the angle of where they want your mouth and the amount of pressure. It also allows you to rest your neck with easy access to anything you want, using your fingers or toys. Get creative and keep finding new and fun ways to change things up, even if you do have a “go-to” favourite to finish things off.
Last, but not least, let’s talk, the talk. We have received questions from many people about singing the alphabet song while going down, reciting poems, making really satisfied sounds, buzzing, humming and many other creative ideas. This is all because they have heard it increases satisfaction or moves your tongue more. If your partner likes those then by all means go for it. As a rule of thumb though, it would seem the best sounds are the sounds you make naturally when you are with someone. Those little sighs that escape without you realising it, because you like what you are doing. Those moans you can’t hold back as you get excited. The things you say in the moment when you are truly turned on sound much more authentic and sexier.
When you are really turned on, you can even play with yourself whilst giving oral pleasure. Talk about multi-tasking! This can also be a great turn-on for your partner, but don’t lose your focus ;-).
Your partner may also really like ‘dirty talk’ before and/or during sex. Although, not all ‘dirty talk’ is the same. It’s up to you and your partner to discover what you like. The most important thing is to never make anyone feel silly or ashamed of what they share.
Well, it would seem you have a whole lot of fun things to try out and some good conversations ahead! As the saying goes “Practice makes perfect”. We hope you enjoyed reading this! If you have any questions please reach out to us and stay tuned for next weeks podcast. Want to find the amazing Zibs? Go and find her on Instagram, @zibs_karyn
P.s Tash was editing this post on a public train, lol!!
Originally from Amsterdam, I am now living in London with Tash, after we finally ‘Broke the Distance’. I love travelling and want to visit as many places as possible.
Originally from Amsterdam, I am now living in London with Tash, after we finally ‘Broke the Distance’. I love travelling and want to visit as many places as possible.
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