Oral Sex 101: Part 1

Yes, it is finally here! The moment many of you have been waiting for, Oral 101. I (Marthe) received a large amount of assistance in the writing of this blog post from a very good friend Karen Zibits. Zibs is a major advocate for female pleasure and a lesbian sexpert. She has given sex workshops, spoken at events about how to give oral pleasure to women. As well as advising what toys to use and so much more! Together we wrote this article and we had so much fun doing it 😉 

No woman is the same 

First and foremost, no two women are the same! No two women like exactly the same thing when it comes to sexual pleasure and oral sex. Women’s preferences can also change with their mood, time of the month and the mental status in the moment. We can feel hornier around our ovulation (around days 11-16 in the cycle). With some of us having a higher sex drive just before our period or even during. Learn more about how your menstrual cycle can influence your sex drive HERE!

So the bad news is, “one size doesn’t fit all”. You can’t just learn one thing that will work on every woman everyday of the month from here on out. However, the good news is, a lifetime of practice and learning and if you’re lucky, you get to practice a lot 😉

The basics 

Before we get to the really good stuff, let’s start with the basics and probably the most important advice we would give anyone. Communication should be part of the fun as well as the excitement of learning about your partners  wants and needs. It’s also exciting to share your own. 

Besides listening you should pay close attention to body language. Look for clues that tell you something is going really well or not so well (we will discuss more on body language in part 2). You should ask if they like a particular sensation or maybe need an adjustment. You also have to tell them what you like and don’t like truthfully. Providing them with those same verbal and body language clues. A little to the left, slightly faster, too hard, too soft, yep that’s the spot and don’t stop or I’ll die…lol.  A lot of people are afraid to give feedback especially when first getting to know someone. They are often afraid it might be seen as a put down. When in fact it makes the giver feel a lot better to know how to pleasure a new partner. In this article from Sportsheets they provide a ‘Sex Talk 101’. How to communicate better with your partner before, during and after sex.

Before going downtown 

Although this training is mainly around the art of oral pleasure. It should be noted that unless this is an intentional quickie. Before diving down you should have first enjoyed some serious kissing, licking, sucking and rubbing. Discovering many other areas of their body so that by the time you are licking down their stomach, you are both very excited for what’s to come. Half the fun is finding out what other areas of their body are erogenous zones, read more about that here; “An erogenous zone is an area of the body with heightened sensitivity that can produce a sexual response when stimulated. Erogenous zones are extra sensitive due to concentrations of nerve endings in these areas”.  To give a few examples as their necks, throats, nipples, backs, inner thighs and well, (you figure it out). Little fun fact; the neck and forearm are very sensitive areas, approach them with a light touch. 

Once you are down there… 

I (Marthe) remember the very first time I went down on a woman, I was quite nervous. What do I do? Even though you are a girl yourself, another pussy can be quite intimidating ;-). It is so delicate and so different from a penis! The more you do it, the less “scary” it becomes and the more fun you can have. And now I love it! 

There are many options and add-ins when it comes to going down, to enhance the experience. But let’s just start with the basics. Assuming for now that they are laying on their back. As mentioned you might be kissing and licking down from their belly or perhaps you are licking up from inside their inner thigh (tease a little bit before getting to it, make her a little crazy). If they still have their panties on it can be very sexy to lightly lick and kiss around their pussy through the panties. Tease their clit and tongue their vaginal opening before removing their panties. Once panties have been removed and thrown onto a lamp somewhere, it’s game time and your mouth is the best equipment out there.  

Don’t forget! 

Quick reminder here that the entire pussy consists of thousands of nerves throughout the clitoris, the entire vulva area, outer and inner labia, read more about that in a previous article I wrote about The Vulva & Orgasms. The incredibly sensitive vaginal opening and inside the vaginal opening as well as the perineum (often referred to as the taint) and the anus. So be mindful before you dive in, you don’t want to be too hard and fast, just start slowly and gently, you can always pick up the pace. 

The Techniques 

When you are giving oral pleasure, use your entire mouth. I really mean your entire mouth, possibly your nose and not just your tongue even though it’s an amazing strong multi-faceted key tool in oral sex. Tease the entire area with light licks, kisses and sucking, you can open and move your mouth over the clitoris hood and lips. You can slowly lick from the bottom up to their clit or circle around their clit and lips before making the pressure more intense. There is also the option to  tease the vaginal opening with your tongue to drive someone mad. Sliding your tongue in and out of their opening, either nice and tortuously slow or fast and hard, often referred to as tongue fucking. The tongue is quite amazing and very strong. You can make it pointy and hard, lay it flat for a long lick as well as having the ability to flick it  with various speeds and strengths. You can gently suck the clit inside your mouth and flick it with your tongue. Massage the area around the clit with your mouth and lick the clit in the way that seems to be working best for your partner. 

Who has  flushed cheeks and feels a little warm on the inside? I know I do! So this was it for now. Next week we will discuss body language, types of orgasms, different positions and extras. Stay tuned and let us know what you think! Do you want to know more about the amazing Zibs?! Find her on instagram @zibs_karyn

Marthe

Originally from Amsterdam, I am now living in London with Tash, after we finally ‘Broke the Distance’. I love travelling and want to visit as many places as possible.