In this blog post we want to give you some tips en tricks for moving in together. As many of you know, myself (Tash) and Marthe originally started out as a long distance couple. After meeting in Bali and falling in love, I went back to London whilst Marthe went back to Amsterdam. We then spent the next 10 months dreaming about the day when we could finally ‘Break the Distance’ and live together in one home.
This day finally arrived on December 28th 2019. Moving in together was such an exiting moment, however it has also come with its own challenges, as we have had to navigate this new life together. We wanted to give other couples some tips and tricks based on the things that we have learned. If you want to read more about relationship do’s and don’ts, click here.
If you are moving in together in a new space, then this one doesn’t necessarily have the same importance, but if your partner is moving to you, then make sure you create space. This isn’t just about clearing out some drawers for their clothes and underwear. You have to make space throughout your entire home.
Marthe and I went through every room to ensure that she was able to find a home for all her belongings. It surprised me but the place that changed most, was the kitchen. She had lost of special plates and bowls from her travels that she wanted to keep. It now means that every time we sit down to a meal, she can feel a sense of home.
Tip: Both of you should have a clear out before the move, it’s not about bringing all your old junk into your new life together.
This links closely to making space but extends a little further. I have been living in our apartment for the past 10 years. Whilst I haven’t always lived here alone, I am the person who has designed it. I have planned where everything goes and created the overall aesthetic of the apartment. However, wanting Marthe to feel like this is also her home, means that I have to ‘let go’ of some of these things.
It is now our shared space and so decisions like where to put the computer desk and what colour we are painting the living room, are now a joint decision. This has been a very challenging change for me as surprisingly i’m not always a big fan of change. However, I completely understand its importance in making sure that Marthe feels at home. So yes babe, we can paint the front room 9010 ; )
For the person moving in, you should take the time to explore the area. You have to build your own relationship with your new neighbourhood as you are no longer just a guest. Whenever Marthe would come and visit me in London, we would always go everywhere together. This often meant that she wasn’t always paying attention to directions as she had me to lead her.
Since moving here, she often goes out for walks on her own to explore the area. I also challenge her with the task of discovering a place that I don’t know about.
In September, (before Marthe moved to London), I was able to take 5 weeks off work and visit her in Amsterdam. During this time Marthe was still working full time (32 hrs per week) at the hospital. This visit allowed me to experience a small portion of what life would be like for Marthe in 4 months time. Being in a place that felt like home because we were together, but wasn’t quite the home I knew.
During this time, if we had a disagreement I would feel so far away from my usual comforts. It was hard, but it allowed me to have an understanding of the potential dangers when Marthe moved to the UK.
Whilst I am aware that not every couple can have this experience, it is definitely something to consider. Whenever we are going through it, I always think back to these moments and it allows me to have true empathy.
Moving in together isn’t just about giving things up. It can also be about lightening the load. Both myself and Marthe were living alone when we met. We were both used to working full time, coming home, having to make our own dinner. Do all our own laundry and keep our homes tidy and clean. We have both found this exhausting at times, however now we are a team.
If one of us cooks, the other one cleans. I do laundry whilst she vacuums. These weren’t tasks that we assigned, we naturally fell into them. Although, it has now become a verbal and mutual agreement. Sharing these responsibilities, also increases Marthe’s own feelings of being at home. After all nothing says home sweet home like cleaning the toilet!
So the day has arrived and finally you can do everything together, all the time! But does this mean you should? Of course enjoy your time together, but also ensure that you remain to separate people. It may take some time, but I really want Marthe to form her own friendship group in London. I don’t want us to only be known as a couple, we have ‘Breaking the Distance’ for that, so it’s crucial for us to keep our own identities.
I hope these tips can help you and your partner in your move, but also I believe that many of these tips can also work for couples who have lived together for a while. They never stop being relevant. We would love to hear your thoughts, particularly if you are ‘Breaking the Distance’ anytime soon.
I currently live in London, working all over the UK as a performer and a presenter. I have a passion for writing and love sharing my experiences with others.
I currently live in London, working all over the UK as a performer and a presenter. I have a passion for writing and love sharing my experiences with others.
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